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How can I get the most out of therapy?
Posted on
February 9, 2025
Therapy is a deeply personal journey and a powerful tool for self-improvement, healing, and growth. With countless therapeutic approaches available—ranging from the structured techniques of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to the deep exploration of psychodynamic therapy—sessions can vary significantly.
You are an active participant in your therapeutic journey – it’s your journey, your story. The best way to start therapy is by taking time to find the therapist that is right for you. You may receive a personal recommendation to a therapist or a clinic; or go to a clinic that has already vetted their therapists and will take time to make sure that you are matched with a therapist that works for you. We can help you with this. With the right therapist to work with you can ensure that you get the most out of therapy by opening up about what is troubling you, being vulnerable in session, speaking up when you don’t feel comfortable in session and taking time to reflect on what you are working on between appointments.
1. Find the Right Therapist
The foundation of successful therapy lies in the relationship between you and your therapist. Research highlights the importance of a secure therapeutic alliance—where you feel understood, respected, and supported. When looking for a therapist, consider not only their credentials and expertise but also their personality and communication style.
At The Story Isn’t Over you can book a free 15-minute consult with one of our therapists to help you decide if they are a good fit for you, and a number of the therapists offer a free 30-minute session; this gives you even more time to get to know them and see if they work for you. Use this opportunity to get a feel for them, ask them about their approach to therapy, and their experience working with the issues you want to discuss in therapy.
Takeaway: Trust your instincts and choose a therapist with whom you feel a strong connection.
2. Clarify Your Goals for Therapy
You may have a very clear idea of what you want to get out of therapy before you even attend your first session; or you may not know exactly what you want, just that you need help - that where you are right now isn’t working for you. It is okay to come to therapy with clear goals; and it is okay to come to therapy with no idea at all what your goals are.
Your goals may be very explicit and easily identifiable, such as I want to get over my fear of flying; or they may be less clear and more generalized, such as I want to understand what is making it so difficult for me to take the next step in building the life I want.
When you meet with your therapist, talk to them about what you want to get out of therapy. If you aren’t sure, then they can help you to articulate your goals. Talk to them about how they can help you achieve your goals – this will vary depending on their approach to therapy.
Everyone has some kind of goal when they come to therapy, though they might not have sat down and thought it all through clearly - they may just want to feel better, and that’s a kind of goal. Taking time to think through what you want out of therapy can help you and your therapist to stay focused in session and work together to get where you want to go. Your goals may evolve over time, and that’s okay. Regularly revisiting them ensures they remain relevant and aligned with your growth.
Takeaway: Start with a goal, but allow room for flexibility as therapy progresses.
3. Prepare for Sessions
While you don’t need a rigid agenda, jotting down key points or events you want to discuss can help you make the most of your session time. Reflecting on your week and noting any significant thoughts, feelings, or experiences can provide valuable insights for discussion. But not everyone likes to write, if you prefer to walk-and-think, or watch as movie while pondering, that’s okay to. We all process our thoughts and feelings in different way.
You can prepare for your session by recalling what you spoke about in the last session, mull it over, and think about where the conversation is taking you. Give yourself some downtime before the session, so that your mind is able to let go of what you have been busy doing beforehand and focus on what you are working on in therapy. Often your day-to-day life is demanding and distracts from the issues you want to talk about in therapy, and it is good to give yourself time to refocus so that you can make the most out of your session. Allow yourself plenty of time to get to session, so that you don’t arrive late or stressed
If you’re feeling stuck, remember that therapy doesn’t require you to come prepared with solutions or answers. Simply showing up and being open to exploration is enough.
Takeaway: Use a journal or notes to keep track of insights, questions, or topics you’d like to explore.
4. Be Honest and Open
Vulnerability is challenging but essential in therapy. Holding back details or avoiding difficult topics can limit the effectiveness of your sessions. Your therapist is there to provide a safe, nonjudgmental space for you to share openly.
If you’re struggling to express something, consider writing it down or starting small. For example, begin with a less emotionally charged topic and build up to the harder conversations as you gain trust and confidence.
You can also tell your therapist that you are having trouble talking to them about some of the more personal or painful details. They are trained to listen, and to create a safe place for you to talk about these things. They can also explore what they can do to help; there may be strategies and tangible ways that they can make it easier for you to open up.
Takeaway: The more honest you are, the better your therapist can help you.
5. Stay Present During Sessions
Therapy sessions are short, typically 50 minutes, so it’s important to stay focused and engaged. If you notice your mind wandering or feel hesitant about diving into a topic, let your therapist know. They can help refocus the conversation or explore what might be causing your hesitation.
If you’re having any difficulty following the session or paying attention, then talk to your therapist about it. Your therapist wants you to get the most out of your session and will adapt the session to meet your needs. It is also a good idea to tell your therapist if you feel too anxious to engage in the session; they understand anxiety and can take time to help you calm down before you carry on with the session.
Takeaway: Treat therapy as a time to connect with yourself and your therapist without distractions – and tell your therapist if you are having trouble focusing or feel too anxious to engage in the session.
6. Practice Between Sessions
Therapy is just one hour of your week, and the real work happens in your daily life. Many therapists provide exercises or strategies to practice between sessions, such as journaling, mindfulness, or behavioral experiments. These “homework” assignments help reinforce what you’ve discussed in therapy and integrate those insights into your routine.
If your therapist hasn’t assigned specific tasks, take the initiative. For instance, reflect on what you’ve learned, try new coping strategies, or work on building healthier habits.
Some types of therapy utilize ‘homework’ more than others, if you find that the work they give you is too much, tell them. Therapy is for you, and if it isn’t working your therapist needs to know. Some types of therapy don’t assign homework, or if they do, it is simply a reflection or practice of something you have already covered in session. What works for one person doesn’t work for another, so tell your therapist what is working for you and what isn’t; and if the therapist you are seeing isn’t a fit, tell us and we’ll help you find another one.
Takeaway: Commit to applying what you learn in therapy to your life outside the session.
7. Use Feedback and Track Progress
Therapy is a collaborative process, so don’t hesitate to ask for feedback or share your thoughts about how the sessions are going. Your therapist wants to know if you feel comfortable working with them and if the sessions are helping. They may ask you about how the sessions are going in session, or may send you a quick questionnaire to give you an opportunity to provide feedback. This is an important part of therapy, as it sets aside time to evaluate your progress and make any changes that are needed to ensure therapy works for you.
Regularly check in with yourself to evaluate your progress. Are you feeling more confident? Are you better able to manage stress or communicate effectively?
Keeping a journal can help you track your growth over time. Note any shifts in your thoughts, emotions, or behaviors, and discuss these with your therapist. This helps you stay motivated and helps you to see what you have already achieved, and feel good about it.
Takeaway: Monitor your progress and work with your therapist to adjust goals as needed.
8. Manage Your Time Wisely
Therapy requires emotional and mental energy, so schedule sessions at a time when you’re likely to be at your best. For some, this might mean morning appointments when their mind is fresh; for others, it could be evening sessions after the day’s responsibilities are done.
Additionally, consider building in some downtime after therapy. Processing emotions and insights can be draining, so give yourself space to reflect and recharge.
Takeaway: Optimize your therapy schedule to suit your energy levels and lifestyle.
9. Address Roadblocks
If you find yourself feeling stuck, defensive, or resistant during therapy, bring it up. These moments often reveal deeper issues worth exploring. For example, difficulty trusting your therapist might point to underlying trust issues in other areas of your life.
Therapy isn’t about being “perfectly ready”; it’s about using the process to uncover and work through what’s holding you back.
Takeaway: View challenges in therapy as opportunities for growth, not setbacks.
10. Know When It’s Time to Move On
Therapy isn’t meant to last forever, and there may come a time when you feel ready to stop or transition to a new therapist. This doesn’t mean the therapy wasn’t successful; in fact, it often signals growth.
Regularly check in with yourself to assess whether your current therapy is meeting your needs. If you’re no longer seeing progress or feel your goals have been achieved, discuss this with your therapist. Together, you can decide on the best course of action.
Takeaway: Therapy is a tool for growth—know when to move forward or make a change.
Therapy is a powerful resource for self-discovery and healing. By finding the right therapist, talking to your therapist about what you want to get out of therapy, staying open and engaged in the sessions, and reflecting on what you have talked about in session during your week, you can make the most of this transformative journey.